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The Girl
My name is Morgan and I'm going to be 18 this year. I live in Portage, PA, a dismal drug town. I'm a vegetarian, animal lover, and an athlete. I play volleyball and run distance in track. Plan on attending community college for my general studies and attending Mount Aloysius to study Criminal Justice/Forensic Accounting and hopefully go into the FBI or CIA.
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My diary, my space, my rights. Don't like what you see? Feel free to hit that little X up there. Thanks.
"The World is yours..."
...written on 2004-02-04, @ 4:26 p.m.
1:05 Am February 2, 2004
I sat down tonight after everyone went to bed feeling a deep anger rising from in me. I’m feeling exhausted from playing family life and having to deal with everyone’s shit. I felt so out of it that I even started pulling my hair out again. Last time I did that, I had a fucking bald spot. That’s another pain I’ve gotten rid of and realize with animosity is returning to my life.
I turned the volume down on the TV and just sat there in the dark living room, watching those perfect figures live their “beautiful lives”. I don’t know why I was even watching. I don’t like TV.
I hide behind my laughter, my goofiness…my smile but I’m losing it. I’m hearing things, feeling things that cause me depression. I have no need for that. I don’t like it. A person has no need to wallow in their own misery because the teen angst thing is entirely ridiculous. I’ll get over the mood and than I can get back to my life as much as possible. But I know I’ll still feel my paranoia tripping the fuck out of me. It’ll move to the back of my head until it decides it wants to fuck with me again.
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8:30 PM February 3, 2004
I seem to feel better today. No school. Snow has covered this place. The world in my eyes has been blanketed with surreal beauty. No one can truly see this place like I can. Everyone complains about the cold and how they want to move to some place warm. They don’t see or feel this life. Everyone in the world is becoming slaves to the system. They don’t just live to feel alive, they live to get by. Everyone are stuck working nine to five, come home to unloving families and violence in the home…drinking. If I’m not mistaken, money is the number one cause of fights in families. You may get in fights at school for being different or talking about someone behind their back but as soon as you hit the real world, you’re off to the same factory to become the same mindless zombie to try and stay alive. We all want to be content. I’m seriously afraid that the same thing will happen to me. I don’t want to be content with just what I have. It may seem selfish but as it is put in Scarface: “The World is yours.” Fuck yeah its mine. I can’t let any system fuck with me because I want to live the world, I want to feel the world…I want to experience. Life is so much more than this, and if we can’t fight this battle that has been given to us than what are we fighting for? This snow isn’t my battle. It’s just a part of the beauty of all the fighting comes down to…I could never forget it.
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The rain was thinning away and the girl was walking in the center of the sidewalk with her head towards the sky and the few drops falling on her face. She smiled when she saw Montag.
“Hello!”
He said hello and than said, “What are you up to now?”
“I’m still crazy. The rain feels good. I love to walk in it.”
I don’t think I’d like that.” He said.
“you might if you tried.”
“I never have.”
She licked her lips. “Rain even tastes good.”
“What do you do, go around trying everything once?” he asked.
“Sometimes twice.”
(*~ Quotes from Fahrenheit 451~*)
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“Oh come on now! Just because I’m getting rid of you doesn’t mean you can retire now!” ~Alli yelling at her soon to be replaced computer.
Morgan!